ONE LINE REVIEW: It’s a low budget remake of 2012, in which only California is destroyed, that too in 3D.
Do you want to watch a comedy flick with decent 3D graphics where almost everything in California breaks?? Then San Andreas, starring The Rock, is the movie for you.
The movie plot feels very similar (almost a carbon copy) to the movie 2012. Only difference is that in 2012 almost everything on Earth was destroyed by earthquakes and San Andreas, being the low budget movie, gets only California destroyed. It’s so precise, that the earthquakes stop at San Francisco as if Gandalf stood there at the northern end of San Francisco yelling “You Shall Not Pass”. Of course there were instances where they tried to highlight that the entire country was being affected when they said “It will be felt as far as the east coast” in the movie, but that was merely in words. They didn’t even shoot a scene there. So that’s that.
Just like 2012, the protagonist is married and his wife is banging another guy. She is about to move in with the new guy as well. He loves his daughters, one is alive and the other is dead. The Rock is an LA fire and rescue helicopter pilot, though his job plays absolutely no part in the movie. All he does is steal a government vehicle for his personal purposes (a helicopter), a car, a plane and a boat. So apart from camels, every other mode of transport available on our planet. After they dramatically destroy San Francisco’s skyline with a combination of earthquakes and tsunamis, he saves his family and two boys who just happened to be there with his daughter. So, yeah 2012 but in California.
Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson as Ray:
I couldn’t accept the fact that he was able to swim and save his daughter. Like, don’t rocks sink in water? After a number of electrifying kisses to the smoking hot Alexandro Daddario (his daughter in the movie), she comes back to life and all the destruction stops. Such wow. Much tears.
Carlo Gugino as Emma: (Ray’s wife)
She leaves The Rock because he is too awesome and she starts banging a rich guy who raises tall buildings in San Francisco, not to mention he is ex-Mr. Fantastic. No point in her being in the movie. She didn’t save any life. The Rock wasted a tank full of fuel and a helicopter to save her. Such waste. Much amaze.
Ioan Grufford as Daniel Riddick: (The guy who Emma was bangin)
This character was Riddick-ulous. He showed absolutely no signs of the superhero qualities he once possessed in Fantastic 4. Bravery? LOL to that. He saw a large boulder fall from the floor above and he ran screaming like a lil bitch leaving his girlfriend’s daughter to die. He also pushed an innocent guy away from his spot and ended up killing him. (Sheldon Cooper wont be happy about that) I guess not having Jessica Alba with him in California broke his heart. He died when a container ship gang banged Golden gate bridge.
Alexandra Daddario as Blake:
Probably the best looking member of the cast. Also, smokin hot. Nuff said.
Hugo Johnstone-Burt as Ben:
It’s sad that a great engineer like him was still searching for a job at the start of the movie. Also, gets the hot chick at the end. You sir, have my respect.
Art Parkinson as Ollie:
He single handedly saved the movie for me. He was funny, serious, resourceful and had more balls than his brother and got Blake’s number for his bro. Best wingman ever or what? Not to mention his bag which had almost everything and can only be rivaled by Dora the explorer’s bag.
Scientists/ Reporters at CalTech :
Good guy scientist finds out earthquake is gonna destroy California: Doesn’t tell anyone. Takes the reporter and hides under tables frequently (if you know where that’s heading 😉 ) . And his Russian student constantly has the expression like, “Fuck this shit. I’m going back to Mother Russia after this.”
If you have money to waste, go for this movie. Or if you have a copy of 2012, just play the part where California gets destroyed, it’s pretty much the same.
RATING: 1/5 (half a point for Ollie and other half for the eye candy of an actress, Daddario.)